Regret is something most of us understand.
The older I get, the more I find myself looking back at moments when I wish I had responded differently, made another decision, said something differently—or perhaps never said anything at all.
We all have moments that weren't our best moments.
But here's the question I've been thinking about:
What if those moments don't have to define us? What if God can use them to refine us?
One of the clearest examples is the life of Peter.
Your Worst Moment Doesn't Have to Become Your Identity
When we meet Peter standing before the crowd in Acts 2, we see a confident leader. He stands with the other disciples, raises his voice, and boldly proclaims what God is doing.
But Peter wasn't standing there as someone who had never failed.
He was standing there as someone who had been transformed through failure.
Before Pentecost, there was a courtyard.
Before the courageous Peter of Acts 2, there was the frightened Peter who denied three times that he even knew Jesus.
Yet Peter's worst moment became part of his formation without becoming his identity.
That distinction matters for life and leadership.
At C3 Healthy Leadership, I often talk about Leadership from the Inside Out. What happens around us can reveal what is happening within us. Our failures, reactions, disappointments, and regrets can become opportunities to discover areas where God still wants to develop us.
The goal isn't to pretend the failure never happened.
The goal is to allow God to transform us through it.
Strong Intentions Don't Guarantee We Won't Fail
Peter's story didn't begin with failure.
When Jesus called Peter and Andrew, Jesus simply said:
“Follow me.”
Scripture tells us they immediately left their nets and followed Him.
Peter's intentions were real.
Later, Peter would tell Jesus that he was ready to go with Him to prison and even to death.
I don't believe Peter was intentionally being dishonest. Peter believed what he was saying.
He simply didn't know himself as well as he thought he did.
There is an important leadership lesson here:
Good intentions tell us who we want to be. Pressure often reveals who we have actually become.
Sometimes failure causes us to rewrite our entire history.
Maybe I was never really committed.
Maybe I wasn't really called.
Maybe I'm not the person I thought I was.
Maybe everything I've done has been a fraud.
But failure doesn't necessarily mean our original intentions were fraudulent.
It may simply reveal that our formation isn't finished.
That's very different.
God was still forming Peter.
And God is still forming us.
Your History Doesn't Mean You've Arrived
Peter wasn't a spiritual novice when he denied Jesus.
This was the same Peter who had declared:
“You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.”
He had walked with Jesus.
He had heard the teaching.
He had witnessed the miracles.
He had experienced incredible spiritual moments.
And he still had areas that needed transformation.
That should remind every leader of something important:
Past success can become dangerous when it convinces us we've arrived.
We can know Scripture and still carry unresolved pain.
We can have decades of leadership experience and still have blind spots.
We can successfully lead an organization while struggling to lead ourselves.
We can appear incredibly healthy externally while something very different is happening internally.
That's why healthy leadership requires more than examining our résumé.
Your résumé can tell me where you've been. Your reactions often reveal where you are.
Pressure Reveals What's Inside
Peter was convinced he would stand with Jesus.
Then pressure arrived.
Fear.
Uncertainty.
Threat.
And suddenly the distance between Peter's intention and Peter's failure became surprisingly short.
That's often how regret enters our lives.
Hardship rarely gives us advance notice.
We don't normally wake up thinking, Today I'm going to make one of the decisions I'll regret most.
Something happens.
Pressure increases.
And something comes out of us that we didn't expect.
This is where one of the foundational ideas of C3 Healthy Leadership becomes so important:
External → Internal → Transformation
- External: What happened? What did I say? How did I respond?
- Internal: What was happening inside me that produced that response?
- Transformation: What does God want to change within me so I can respond differently in the future?
The unhealthy response is:
Deny → Dismiss → Blame
The healthy response is:
Admit → Own → Embrace
And growth begins when we can ask:
What can I learn? What needs to change? How can I become stronger?
Failure doesn't have to be wasted.
The Rooster Wasn't the End of Peter's Story
After Peter denied Jesus for the third time, the rooster crowed.
Peter remembered what Jesus had told him.
And Scripture says:
“He went out and wept bitterly.”
Imagine the regret.
But there is an enormous difference between saying:
“I did something wrong.”
and believing:
“There is something permanently wrong with me.”
When regret becomes identity, yesterday begins controlling tomorrow.
That's where many of us get stuck.
We aren't simply remembering what happened.
We're continuing to punish ourselves for it.
So here's a Heart Check:
What are you still punishing yourself for that God wants to use to grow you?
And another:
Are you learning from your past—or are you still living in it?
You cannot create a brand-new beginning.
But with God's help, you can create a different ending.
Regret Can Have an End
John 21 gives us one of the most beautiful pictures of restoration in Scripture.
After His resurrection, Jesus sits with Peter and asks:
“Simon, son of John, do you love me?”
Peter responds:
“Yes, Lord; you know that I love you.”
And Jesus tells him:
“Feed my lambs.”
Jesus doesn't pretend Peter's failure never happened.
But He doesn't define Peter by it either.
In fact, Jesus does something remarkable:
He restores Peter to responsibility.
“Feed my lambs.”
“Tend my sheep.”
“Feed my sheep.”
Jesus is essentially saying:
Peter, there is still purpose ahead of you.
That's restoration.
Connect With God. Connect With Self. Connect With Others.
Peter's restoration beautifully demonstrates the C3 Healthy Leadership journey.
Connect with God
“Do you love me?”
Peter's restoration begins vertically. Before Jesus addresses Peter's assignment, He addresses Peter's heart.
Connect with Self
“Lord, you know everything.”
Peter no longer needs to convince Jesus—or himself—of how strong he is.
There's a humility in Peter now that wasn't there before.
Connect with Others
“Feed my sheep.”
Peter's internal transformation now affects how he will serve others.
That's Leadership from the Inside Out.
Transformation starts internally and eventually becomes visible externally.
You Can Have an Acts 2
Now go back to where we started.
Acts 2.
Peter stands.
Peter raises his voice.
Peter boldly proclaims Christ.
The courtyard is still part of Peter's history—but it no longer controls his future.
The Peter standing at Pentecost isn't Peter without failure.
He's Peter after transformation.
That's what makes his story so encouraging.
Jesus had actually told Peter before the failure ever happened:
“And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.”
Jesus knew Peter would fall.
Jesus knew Peter would return.
And Jesus could already see purpose on the other side.
Maybe that's what someone needs to hear today.
Your worst moment does not have to become your identity.
Your failure can become part of your formation.
Your regret can become wisdom.
Your weakness can produce humility.
And what God teaches you through your own struggle may someday become exactly what you use to strengthen someone else.
Peter had a courtyard in his past.
But he also had a Pentecost in his future.
Don't allow where you failed to convince you that God is finished with where you're going.
A Final C3 Heart Check
Connect with God: What is God saying to me about my past?
Connect with Self: What do I need to admit, own, release, or learn from?
Connect with Others: How can what God has taught me make me healthier for the people I lead, love, and serve?
Healthy leadership isn't about never failing.
It's about allowing God to use even our failures to shape us into healthier people.
Learn. Grow. Fail. Recover. Learn again.
That's transformation.
That's resilience.
And that's Leadership from the Inside Out.
Healthy Leaders. Healthy Cultures. Lasting Impact.
— Matthew Friese, C3 Healthy Leadership
Connect with God. Connect with Self. Connect with Others.